Hey Cupcake!
by Chicapanzy
Summary: Russell Northrop hates cupcakes. The only thing he hates more than being called "Cupcake" by Captain Kirk is Captain Kirk himself. But if he hates Captain Kirk so much, why does he think about him so much? Implied Kirk/"Cupcake", Definite Kirk/Spock
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone from Star Trek, though I did give "Cupcake" and his buddies names. Kirk/Spock with implied Kirk/"Cupcake" Some racy parts, but no lemons. Takes place after Complexity, but is completely not plot related at all. Just a silly little blurb that came into my head.

**Ch 1**

Russell Northrop was stomping down the hall as usual. His shift was over and he was starving, so he was en route to the mess hall. As he turned the corner, he walked smack dab into Captain Kirk, who (surprisingly) was too engrossed in his data pad to see the large man coming. The data pad fell to the floor, much to his irritation. When Russell saw who it was he had bumped into, he sneered. It figures that he'd bump into Kirk.

Kirk looked down at the fallen data pad then back up at the much larger man. "Jeez, be careful! This thing has all my work in it!" Russell took the opportunity to roll his eyes as his captain bent down to pick up the data pad. Kirk tried walking around him when he spat out, "So, _Captain_, I hear you're Spock's personal cupcake now. Is it true?"

Smirking, Kirk turned to the security officer who obviously still held a grudge against him and said in a mockingly seductive voice, "Yeah, he likes to lick the icing off of me every night. Why do you ask? Are you _jealous?_"

Russell's face turned a red that rivaled the color of his shirt. "Of course not!" he shot back, perhaps a little too quickly. Kirk couldn't help but laugh. "Take it easy big guy," he said, patting Russell's stomach and earning a scowl that dripped with pure hatred. "Even if I wasn't with Spock, I doubt I'd suit your taste."

Before he could think of a witty reply, Kirk had already continued on his way down the hall. His beefy hands curled tightly into two large fists. As soon as the captain was out of sight, he punched the wall as hard as he could and walked off. The dent left by his fist contained a perfect molding of its details, the outline of his knuckles and fingers clearly visible.

As soon as he entered the mess hall, he ordered the one thing that could put him in a good mood: A 16 ounce medium rare T-bone steak with a baked potato, complete with all the toppings, and a ice cold beer to wash it down. He spotted his friends at a table and dropped his tray and stein on the table. Scrapping the chair back, he flopped down into the chair without saying a word and began sawing at his steak.

His friends eyed each other nervously. Russell was the biggest and strongest of the four men, and his temper was always one to be reckoned with. Silently, they tried to convince each other to ask what was wrong with him, but no one seemed to be willing to take the risk. So, as usual, they played rock-paper-scissors to see who would be the one to speak first.

Pumping their fists under the table, they threw their respective signs. Two scissors, one rock. Jake, the second biggest of the group, dropped out and let the other two fight it out. Paper versus rock. Thomas cursed under his breath as Warren breathed a sigh of relief. Taking a deep breath, Thomas asked, "Hey, uh, Russell? You alright buddy? You seem a bit…agitated."

Russell stopped mid-saw and looked at Thomas, who gulped nervously. In a low rumble, Russell said, "I'd rather not talk about it."

The three looked at each other again while he returned to his T-bone. This was a rather dangerous situation. Without knowing what it was that was bothering Russell, there was no telling if they'd say something that would make him even madder. Then again, if they pushed the issue too hard, the knife he was using to cut his steak might find itself embedded in one of them. No one knew how to proceed, and no one was really wanting to say anything for fear that Russell's anger would be redirected to one or all of them.

Warren took a risk and decided to start up some friendly conversation with the other three. "So, Valentine's day is coming up soon!"

Thomas chimed in, thinking Valentine's day would be a safe enough subject to talk about in mixed company. "Yeah, yeah! Are you and Monica gonna do anything special Warren?"

"Nah, nothing too much," Warren replied. "She's talking about making some cupcakes for me though…"

Russell's fists balled up and slammed down on the table. The three men stared at their friend in utter terror, realizing their worst nightmare was about to come true. With fiery eyes, he looked at each of his friends and said, "Don't. Mention. Cupcakes."

The moment they heard the word "cupcakes", they knew exactly what, and who, the problem was with Russell. Jake spoke up, "Aaaaah, I see. Now I know what's wrong with you. Captain Kirk pissed you off again didn't he?" The grumble that came from Russell's mouth, which was full of baked potato, was answer enough for Jake. Jake smirked and said, " I can't believe after all this time you still haven't gotten over him calling you 'Cupcake'. You know, I bet he doesn't even think about you when you're not around; meanwhile it seems like that's all you talk about! 'Captain Kirk' this and 'cupcake' that. Jeez, as much as you talk about it, I almost think you got a crush on him!"

Jake saw the sharp end of Russell's steak knife pointed at him. The smug smirk that was on his face quickly vanished as he saw his own mortality flash before his face. The words he spoke had come out of his mouth faster than he could stop them and he now found himself regretting he ever opened his mouth. However, when he looked at Russell's face, he didn't just see rage, but…embarrassment? No…it couldn't be…did he…?

Despite the lump of fear in his throat, he managed to stutter, "Russell…don't tell me…you don't…" Not wanting his friend to be skewered, Thomas bravely asked, "Dude, do you have a crush on Captain Kirk?"

The color of Russell's face blended perfectly with the red shirt on his back. His friends gaped at him in wide eyed surprise. Russell retracted the hand that held the knife and slammed it on his tray. Downing the entire mug full of beer, he stood up, walked over to a receptacle and almost threw his food away. However, he caught himself and took the still full plate of food and stormed out of the mess hall with his plate.

"Oh my God…" Warren said. "Russell has a crush on Captain Kirk!"

Azrael had just passed by when he heard Warren utter the biggest scoop he'd heard in a while. He stopped in his tracks and debated spreading the word. However, he remembered the last words he had with Spock while he was recovering in sick bay from the thrashing he received. Shaking his head, he decided against saying anything to anyone and chalked it up to another secret he'd take to his grave.

However, Mesmire, an Orion medical officer who had also heard what Warren said, was less inclined to keep a secret. Orion women loved gossip even more than they loved sex, and would _never _pass up the chance to spread a rumor. Mesmire walked out of the mess hall and spotted one of her friends. With a mischievous smirk, she said, "You'll never guess what _I _just found out…"

* * *

Russell entered his room and let the door slide shut behind him. He rested his back against it and closed his eyes. The inside of his room was dark and inviting, allowing him to simply rest without even having to walk all the way across the room and lay in his bed. _Wait a minute…_ he thought to himself. _I didn't turn the lights off when I left for my shift. I __**never **__turn my lights off when I leave for my shift…_

He fumbled around for the light switch by the door and turned the lights in his room on. Temporarily blinded by the drastic change in lighting, he failed to see that there was someone on his bed. Once his eyes adjusted, he saw that not only was someone lying on his bed, but it was Captain Kirk. Naked. And covered in what looked like…frosting and sprinkles?!?

"What the fu-" Russell's voice trailed off as he stared at the man on his bed. Why the hell was Captain Kirk in his room wearing only frosting and sprinkles?!? As if he read his mind, Kirk purred, "I knew you wanted me, Russell. All you had to do was ask and I would have given you exactly what you wanted…"

Russell shook his head furiously. No, he couldn't actually be seeing and hearing what he was…there was no way. Kirk may have been the promiscuous type, but to sneak into a subordinate's room and proposition him? In such an outlandish fashion? If Russell wanted to, he could report this to Starfleet and have Kirk court marshaled, or even _committed_.

But Russell didn't want to. He didn't want to admit that something like this had happened to him. He didn't want to admit that Kirk was lying on his bed waiting to be licked clean. He didn't want to admit that he didn't want Kirk to leave. He didn't want to admit that he wanted to do it, or that the thought of it made the front of his pants incredibly tight.

He gulped and stood rooted to the spot, not daring to move in any direction, neither away or near. Sensing the man's apprehension, Kirk smiled his pearly whites at him and beckoned him closer with a seductive finger. As if caught in a tractor beam, Russell slowly clomped closer and closer to Kirk until he towered over him. Kirk leaned back on his elbows and smiled up at him. "Come on," he breathed reassuringly. "This frosting isn't going to lick itself off…"

Obediently and as if in a trance, Russell knelt down carefully to avoid getting any frosting on his uniform. His breath came out in harsh puffs of air as he stared at the frosting, which started in the middle of Kirk's chest and ran all the way down between his legs. He looked up at Kirk again as if he was waiting for a confirmation to make a move. Kirk nodded and closed his eyes, anticipating the feel of Russell's mouth on his body.

Gingerly, Russell began licking the icing off of Kirk. Each time his tongue licked along Kirk's skin, a small moan escaped Kirk's lips. With each moan, Russell gained confidence in himself and began enthusiastically licking his way down Kirk's body. Just as he reached the area between Kirk's navel and his crotch, he looked back up at Kirk, who looked back at him with half closed eyes. Kirk smirked at the icing on Russell's nose and placed a hand on his face. Leaning forward, he licked the icing off of Russell's nose. Russell watched as Kirk pulled back and felt a painful throb between his legs as Kirk sexily licked his lips.

Returning his head back to where he left off, he licked the rest of the way down and finally reached…

Russell sat up straight in his bed, drenched in sweat. He gasped for air like a fish out of water, his eyes wide with fear. He was thankful that it was only a dream, but he was severely disturbed by the fact that he had dreamed it in the first place. One thing was for certain, he was NOT going to tell his friends about this…

The clock on his dresser glowed the time back at him. 06:29 AM. He sighed. At least it was almost time for him to wake up anyway. He turned the alarm off and went into the shower to clean himself of the sweat that covered his body. When he saw the throbbing appendage between his legs, he decided that a cold shower was in order.

After spending far too long in the shower, he dried himself off, pulled on his uniform, and left his room. Since he took so long in the shower, he had to rush to his station. Running through the door of the security station, he saw Azrael spin around in his chair and smile awkwardly at him.

"Hey Russell," he said. "You're a little late." Russell doubled over and struggled to catch his breath as Azrael rose from the chair. "Sorry…" he huffed. "Had…a bad…dream…over…slept…"

"Don't worry about it dude," Azrael said, patting him on the back. "I'll see ya later."

Taking Azrael's place at the security panel, Russell sat down in the chair and surveyed the screens before him. So far it looked like a normal early morning on the Enterprise. Azrael waved goodbye to him and left him alone to be bored senseless for the rest of his shift. Russell was much more serious about his job than Azrael was. The smaller man seemed to have a bit of a voyeuristic fetish and enjoyed spying on people. He even went so far as to spread rumors about the things he heard and saw.

Russell prided himself on being far beyond that, though he noticed that less and less of the rumors lately were started by Azrael. He wasn't sure what it was that inspired this sudden desire to be less privy to other people's business, but Russell felt his respect for the man go up a bit. Perhaps now Azrael would bring his focus to ensuring that everyone on the ship was safe instead of interesting snippets of information to pass around.

Just as Russell thought this, he heard what he thought was his name from one of the screens. He squinted in the general direction he heard it in. Two girls were chatting and giggling in one of the halls. Unfortunately, by the time he caught it, he had already missed most of what he said. He shook his head and shrugged. He wasn't the only Russell on the ship, so it was nothing to be concerned about.

Except as the day progressed, he heard his name more and more, coming from different people at in different places. It went against everything he believed in to eavesdrop on someone else's behavior, but hearing his name so frequently was tugging viciously at his curiosity. Just as his shift was about to end, he finally gave in and listened to one of the conversations he heard. The instant he heard what everyone was talking about, he wished he had allowed himself to remain blissfully unaware.

"Did you hear about Russell Northrop?"  
"You mean that big burly security officer?"  
"Yeah him! I heard he's in love with Captain Kirk!"  
"Oh my gosh, I think I heard someone talking about it!"  
"Oh yeah, it's all over the ship! It's the biggest thing since we found out Kirk and Spock are dating!"  
"Wow, what do you think Spock feels about this?"  
"I don't know, but knowing him he's probably hiding the fact that he's furious!"  
"Wouldn't you be if someone was lusting after your boyfriend?"  
"Of course I would be! You know, it makes sense why they call each other 'Cupcake' now…"  
"Maybe they're actually having an affair and that's their nickname for each other!"  
"Oooh, they've been calling each other that since the academy! Maybe Spock actually knows about it and wants to join in!"

The two girls giggled madly as Russell stared at the screen, wide eyed and slack jawed. _That_ was what everyone was talking about? How long had this been going on? Where in the world did they get the idea that he was _in love_ with Captain Kirk? Russell's mouth closed as he clenched his teeth so hard he threatened to shatter them in his mouth.

Ensign Benjamin Lavenski, Russell's shift relief, entered the room and froze in place when he saw Russell's face. Russell had always scared him; he was big, burly, and had a mean temper. As he looked at him, he thought of an angry, rabid pit bull who would attack anyone who got too close to it. After Robert passed away, Russell was reassigned to his post. Ben hated relieving Russell from duty since everything about him gave him the jitters, but with one less security officer on board, there was no choice.

Sensing his presence, Russell turned his head and directed the furious look on his face at the unlucky ensign. He flew out of his seat and stormed towards the new arrival. Ben jumped and backed against the wall. Russell grabbed a fistful of Ben's shirt and pulled him close. "You," he growled. "What have you heard about me?"

Ben tried to speak, but fear held the words captive in his throat. Russell shook the man just hard enough to make his teeth click together. Again, he asked, "_What have you heard about me?!?" _Ben clenched his eyes shut, not wanting to make eye contact with the angry lieutenant. "Nothing sir! I've heard nothing!"

"Don't you dare lie to me!" Russell roared. "I know people are talking about me on the ship! You can't _possibly _have heard nothing! Who's spreading rumors about me? _WHO?!?"_

Tears sprung to the frightened ensign's eyes. "Mesmire! Mesmire's running around saying that you're in love with Captain Kirk! She said she heard Warren say it when she was in the mess hall! I swear, that's all I know!"

Russell took a final moment to stare relentlessly at the now crying ensign and pushed him against the wall, storming out of the security room. Ben pressed his back against the wall and slid down to the floor. He swiped furiously at his eyes, angry that he had been scared to the point of tears. After he took some time to recollect himself, he got up from the floor and took his place at the security panel.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch 2**

It was happening again. Kirk wasn't sure why, but the not-so covert whisperings about him amongst clusters of crew members had fired up again. To his knowledge, he hadn't done anything whisper worthy. When word of him and Spock dating began to spread, he wasn't surprised; in fact, he was expecting it and was surprised that word spread as slowly as it did. But nothing had happened recently involving him and the Vulcan, so what could it be?

Had there been some delay in the spread of gossip about McCoy's feelings for him? Or perhaps the kiss he and Uhura shared? No, that couldn't be it. No one besides Spock knew about those things, and they had discussed it in the privacy of Spock's room late at night. McCoy was a very private man and wouldn't divulge something of that nature to anyone. Uhura may have her girlfriends to gossip to, but he doubted very seriously that she would mention kissing Kirk. So what was it?

Shrugging, he continued down the hallway and spotted Russell walking his direction. He smirked at the taller man as he always did, but was greeted with a much angrier expression than normal. Rather than continue on his merry way, he charged toward Kirk like a raging bull. Kirk barely had time to say anything when Russell hooked his arm and pulled him into an empty room.

When the door closed, Kirk snatched his arm away from Russell and glared at him. "What the hell is your problem? You don't just grab me in the middle of the hall like that and pull me into a room! If you got something to say to me in private, at least have the decency to-"

"Have you or have you not heard what people are saying about us?" Russell blurted, cutting his captain off.

"Us?" Kirk asked, genuinely confused. "What do you mean 'us'? What's going on?"

Russell turned bright red and said, "Never mind! Just remember this: whatever you hear from other people, it's NOT true, you hear me? IT'S. NOT. TRUE. I never have and never will like you, and I sure as hell ain't in love with you either!"

The look on Kirk's face made Russell realize he had said far more than he meant to. He backpedaled verbally, but only dug a much larger hole for himself than he had before. "Don't look at me like that! I don't even know where they even got the idea! It's your fault you know, going around calling me 'cupcake' and shit like that! You may think its funny and may think its okay, but it's not! Now I got everyone on the goddamned ship thinking I'm a fruit, just because I blushed when my friends brought it up in mess hall! I don't like you, okay! I don't!"

Kirk tried to say something, anything that could calm the larger man down, but he couldn't even get his brain to process what he had heard. He and Russell had gotten along about as well as oil and water ever since they met in Iowa. Kirk enjoyed egging him on and pissing him off, though he didn't really understand why. The only thing he could compare it to was the ancient entertainment of bull fighting in Spain. He was the matador, waving a red sheet at the ill-tempered bull, dodging him magnificently when he charged at him to the crowd's enjoyment. He did it because it was funny to see the other man get angry so easily, but it looked like in the process of doing so, he had caused far more harm than he expected he would.

He looked at the man with compassion, wishing things hadn't come to this point. Teasing was something he disapproved of his crew members, but he had acted rather hypocritically in regards to it. His teasing had led to a horrible misunderstanding throughout his ship, and once word spread on a ship that large, even a rumor can be considered truth simply because of the sheer amount of people who believe it.

"_Don't look at me like that!_" Russell repeated, screaming. Kirk jumped, startled by the security officer's roar. Unexpectedly, Russell's eyes began to shimmer with moisture. "I don't understand why I feel this way! I don't _want_ to feel this way for you! But you pass by me every day and you look at me with those damned beautiful eyes of yours and smirk at me with those sexy lips and I can't help it, okay? I didn't ask for this!"

Palming the door open, Russell ran out of the room before he could make a bigger fool of himself. Meanwhile, Kirk simply stared at the now closed door and said, "What the fuck just happened?!?"

* * *

When Kirk returned to his room, Spock was already in there. A small smile sprang to his lips as he saw his love sitting at his desk waiting for him. However, the stern look that Spock welcomed with quickly caused the smile to retreat from his face. He swallowed and tried to look as though nothing was the matter. Meekly, he said, "Hey Spock…what's up?"

Spock rose from the chair he sat in and faced Kirk, his expression dead pan. When Kirk looked into his eyes though, he could see anger swirling in the darkness that stared back at him. "It seems as though that question is more appropriate being asked by me," he said, the anger now very certain and concrete. "Is there something I should know about you and Lieutenant Northrop?"

"Oh God Spock," Kirk said, clearly irritated. "You can't be serious? Do you really think I'd have anything romantic to do with Russell?"

"I am less concerned with any romantic actions so much as sexual…" Spock said.

"Oh fucking gross!" Kirk pushed past Spock and flopped on his bed angrily. "Spock, I know you and I haven't really been together very long, but if you're seriously doubting my fidelity over Russell Northrop, then maybe you don't know me nearly as well as I thought you did!" Kirk shuddered. "I can't believe you think I'd do anything with that tall stack of lard! I figured you'd know better than anyone not to trust rumors that spread on this ship!"

The anger that hardened Spock's face quickly dissipated and turned into guilt. He lowered his head in shame and said, "You have my apologies. You are right. I should have known better than to trust the frivolous whispers amongst the crew members. They are quick to tell a story without verifying the facts first, and I should have done so myself before confronting you. I am sorry."

Kirk sighed and shook his head, smirking as he rose from the bed. He wrapped his arms around the Vulcan and squeezed him. Spock was extremely cute whenever he apologized, making it where he couldn't stay mad at him for long, no matter how stupid he acted. Spock shyly put his arms around Kirk's waist and returned the hug.

"Apology accepted," Kirk said, his smile carrying into his voice. "I can't blame you for being a little leery about it. I don't really know why you'd seriously think I'd do anything with Russell, but with everyone spreading rumors, it's normal to be a bit suspicious."

Spock pulled back and looked at Kirk. "I am glad to hear there is nothing between you two. However, I am still concerned about the lieutenant's feelings toward you. What if he tries to make an advance on you?"

Kirk shuddered again at the thought. He pictured Russell pinning him against a wall and having his way with him. Not even picturing Spock in the background as he did it made the thought more appealing. Kirk looked at Spock desperately and said, "I gotta do something. If he just goes on lusting after me, I could find myself being violated in ways I'd rather not be violated…"

"Valentine's Day is swiftly approaching," Spock said. "It may be a wise idea to do something with the lieutenant to appease his strong emotions toward you while simultaneously rejecting him in a gentle enough manner where he can move on."

There was a long pause before Kirk finally said, "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!? Are you suggesting I go on a date with Russell?!?"

"It is a quite logical resolution if you think about it," Spock explained. "Lieutenant Northrop has spent the last four years hiding his true feelings for you. Now that you are in a monogamous relationship, particularly with another male, he is feeling jilted because he never thought he stood a chance with you. The best way to defuse the situation is to offer something to pacify him. With the human holiday of Valentine's Day in the near future, you would have the perfect opportunity to 'nip this in the bud' as you would say."

Kirk pouted. "But Spock…I was planning something romantic with you for Valentine's Day. I don't want to spend it with…" he gave another shudder, "Russell."

Spock gave a mischievous smile and leaned in close. When his lips reached Kirk's ears, he whispered, "I can make it worth your while if you do it." This simple statement sent shivers down Kirk's spine. Maybe it was because Spock had whispered in his ear with his warm breath, maybe it was because he knew how he'd make it worth it. Either way, he now had some damn good motivation to do it. He looked at Spock, who looked back at him with his best Vulcan bedroom eyes, and felt a familiar stirring in his lower half.

Kirk shifted his arms down the Vulcan's body and lifted him up. He walked him over to the bed and threw him onto it, pouncing on top of him. Staring down at him with a sexy smirk, he said, "Alright, I'll do it. But I want a little payment in advance…"

* * *

Jake, Warren, and Thomas walked into the conference room at the exact time the Captain requested. They were all very nervous and worried considering the rumors that had been circulating the ship. Had the Captain successfully linked the root of the rumor to them? Were they going to be reprimanded for causing such a scandal throughout the ship? Though they feared Russell's wrath far more than the Captain's, the Captain had more lasting ways of making their life hell if he so chose.

Kirk's head rose as the men walked through his door. "Ah, gentlemen. Please, take a seat." He motioned to three seats that sat across from him. The trio looked at each other nervously then took their seats. Warren was the most fidgety of the three, knowing full well it had been his comment to ignite the rumor. What was worse was there was no real confirmation whether it was true or not since no one dared ask Russell upfront.

Warren's guilt got the best of him. Even though Kirk hadn't even opened his mouth yet, he began to spill. "I didn't mean to say it out loud! I couldn't help it! He never even said whether he loved you or not, I just assumed he did because he turned beet red when Thomas asked him if he had a crush on you! How was I to know that that green-skinned harlot Mesmire was gonna overhear me and tell it to anyone who had ears?!?"

Kirk, Thomas, and Jake all stared at Warren with open mouths and wide eyes. While this technically cleared the air about how the whole thing had started, no one had expected him to just spill his guts like that. Warren looked at all three pairs of eyes that stared at him and slunk into his chair. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I don't do well under pressure."

Blinking, Kirk recollected himself and began to explain. "I, uh…wow. I didn't call you three in here to interrogate you about the rumor. I called you in here to ask you about Russell's interests. I figured since you three were his friends, you'd be able to help me."

The three guys stared at Kirk in disbelief. "His _interests?_" Jake asked. "What do you need to know his interests for?"

Kirk cleared his throat. "Uh…well uh, it turns out that…um…well…it looks like the rumor is true…"

"_Russell is in love with you?!?_" All three men rose from their seats and slammed their palms on the table. Kirk shushed them loudly and said, "Would you keep it down?!? It's bad enough the rumor is true, I don't need you guys screaming it! Now sit your asses down!"

Slowly, the three men sat back down in their seats. This was already going much differently than Kirk planned, but it wasn't like their reactions weren't to be expected. They had just found out that their best friend was in love with their captain; surely this isn't something that can be digested easily.

Kirk sighed. "Let me make this abundantly clear before you yahoos get the wrong idea. I am 100 percent totally in love with Spock and have NO feelings of love for Russell. However, he's part of my crew, and I take care of my crew. A happy crew means a happy captain, and a happy captain means a happy crew. I don't want him to be focused on any unrequited love with me; the last thing I need is an emotionally compromised security officer, especially one as good at his job as Russell. So, I figure I'd spend a little time with him on Valentine's Day and soften the blow."

Out of the corner of Kirk's eye, he saw Jake fidget a little more than the rest of the three men. He said nothing, but made a mental note of his reaction. "So," he said, pulling his data pad in front of him, "you guys are his friends and know what he's into. What's his favorite meal?"

Jake spoke up immediately. "A 16 ounce medium rare 16 ounce steak with a baked potato. He likes his baked potato loaded with everything, cheese, chives, sour cream, the works. He also likes to drink a beer when he eats it. Not like a glass, but a big stein of it. He's got a high tolerance, so the bigger the better. His favorite dessert is chocolate cake with vanilla icing. He doesn't like washing it down with milk though; he'd rather chase it down with some chips or something snack-like that's salty."

All attention was on Jake, who was quickly turning a bright pink. Thomas turned back to the captain and said, "Sir, with all due respect, you're probably better off asking Jake about Russell. They've been friends for years. Me and Warren didn't know him until the academy, and even then Jake spends the most time alone with him."

Jake turned to Warren and said, "Shut up!"

"Dude, if he's trying to keep Russell from going nutsy, you're the only one that's going to be able to help him! I mean come on, we all know you've been in love with him for like ever!"

Kirk stared at Jake, who was now almost purple. "Jake…is that true?" His head tucked into his shoulders, Jake nodded slowly. Kirk turned back to Warren and Thomas who also nodded. Taking a deep breath, he said, "Warren. Thomas. You two can go. I'm going to talk with Jake."

"Yes sir." The two men spoke in unison as they rose from their chairs and left the room. Jake watched them go, a sad, lost look on his face. The door closed, leaving only him and Kirk in the room. Jake remained silent, not wanting to say anything. He wished he could just disappear from the room and run down the hall, but there was no way he could do that.

"You don't have to be embarrassed about loving Russell," Kirk began. "I know you think I hate him or something, but I really don't. We didn't get off on the right foot, I'll admit that, but I have nothing against him. And trust me, your secret is safe with me. I know how vicious some of the crew can be and I have no intention of embarrassing you or Russell."

"I understand sir," Jake said in a small voice.

Kirk smirked and looked at Jake. "You know, now that I know you're in love with Russell that actually gives me a better idea of how to solve this problem…"

* * *

The day before Valentine's Day, Russell went straight to his room after his shift. The buzz of him and Kirk being secret lovers mixed with everyone's excitement about a holiday that celebrates only those who are in a relationship killed the appetite he usually had after work. He opened his door and entered his room, only to spot a pink box wrapped in red ribbon on his bed. _What the hell?_

He walked up to the box on his bed and picked it up gently. Who in the world would leave him a gift? He shook his head and frowned. _I'm willing to bet that it's a prank,_ he thought bitterly. _No one on this ship actually gives a crap about me…_

He tugged at the ribbon on the box and let it fall in a small pile on his bed. Slipping the top off of the box, he saw a chocolate cupcake covered with white frosting and chocolate sprinkles. His face wrinkled in disgust at the sweet dessert inside the box and considered flinging it down the trash chute. He flipped the top to see if there was a name on it when he spotted a note written on the inside.

_Russell, I'm sorry that things have happened the way they have. Please allow me to make it up to you. Come to my room tomorrow after your shift ends. There'll be a steak dinner waiting for you, as well as a special surprise. My room is on Residential level 3, room 22-B. _

There was no signature, but as a security officer, he immediately recognized the room number. The room was Captain Kirk's room. _Why the __**fuck **__does Kirk want me to come to his room for dinner? Does he think that'll make me feel better?!? _He was about to throw the cupcake across the room when he re-read the last part of the message. _There'll be a steak dinner waiting for you, as well as a special surprise. _What did he mean by special surprise? Flashes of his dream played before his eyes. Instead of disgust, a dark lustful look appeared on his face.

_Why not? After all, he already knows I'm in love with him. Why not indulge myself a little and humiliate him at the same time? If word about my feelings for him spread as fast as it did, news of him being ravaged in his room will spread like wildfire! Spock will break up with him and then he'll be all mine! _Taking the cupcake out of the box, he bit a huge chunk of it and chewed. Though he didn't care for cupcakes, this one was rather good, tasting much more like a small chocolate cake than a cupcake. An evil smirk on his face, he thought, _Just you wait Kirk. I'll make you my own personal cupcake yet!_


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch 3**

Russell's shift couldn't have taken longer to get through if he had wanted it to on Valentine's Day. It wasn't just the fact that he had a dinner date with Captain Kirk in his private quarters as soon as his shift ended that made the day stretch on. All over the screen he witnessed crew members receiving gifts from their significant others, kisses, hugs, and whispers being shared between them. It made him sick to see it, but it was his job to keep a look out for anything that could actually warrant a security alert.

Valentine's Day had _always _been his least favorite holiday. Every year he'd approach a girl with a gift and hope for the best, and every year he'd get rejected. Somehow the girl always already had a boyfriend or wasn't looking for a relationship or only wanted to be friends. In a couple of instances, the girl actually laughed in his face in front of her friends.

That made the dinner with Kirk all the more exciting for him. Here was someone whom he had been denying his feelings for years, who was already in a serious relationship, offering to spend the most romantic human holiday of all with him instead of his boyfriend. Even better, it was a steak dinner alone with him in his room, which meant there would be no prying eyes or hurtful words ruining the moment. And of course, being alone with him in his room meant that no one would see what he'd do to him after dinner…

Russell waved the indecent thoughts out of his head to avoid pitching a tent in his pants. His shift was almost over and his relief was due any moment. Just as he thought this, Ben opened the door and carefully peeked inside. He had made the mistake of waltzing in unprepared a few days ago; since today was Valentine's Day, he expected Russell to be in an especially foul mood.

When Russell spotted Ben at the door, a huge grin shined on his face. "Ben!" The ensign jumped and hid outside the door. Russell laughed and walked over to the doorway. "Come on Ben! Come in! I'm not gonna hurt ya!"

Ben looked at Russell with a suspicious look on his face. After what happened before, he didn't believe for a second that Russell was _really _in a good mood. It had to be some sort of ploy to make him drop his defenses and then BOOM! He'd bash his face in, just because he was there.

Russell put his arm around Ben and walked him into the room. "You know Ben, Valentine's Day has got to be one of my favorite holidays…"

"It…it is?" Ben asked.

"Yeah, it really is. You got a girlfriend Ben?"

"Nuh-no, I'm afraid I don't."

"Ah, no worries. Got a _boyfriend?_" Russell laughed heartily at the rosy color that tinted Ben's normally pale face as he shook his head. "Relax, relax. I'm not gonna ask you out, and it's technically none of my business who you're with! Try and enjoy the day huh? Who knows? Maybe you'll find someone!" He winked at the frazzled ensign, who simply smiled crookedly in reply. After Russell left the room, he slumped into his chair and covered his face. That guy was going to kill him one of these days…

* * *

Kirk fanned the still lit match to extinguish it once he had lit the final candle. A small square table covered with an egg-shell white tablecloth sat in the center of his room, a candelabrum with three tall white candles sitting in the middle of it. Red napkins were carefully folded beneath sterling silverware; a wine glass filled with wine was on his side while a large frosted stein filled with beer sat on Russell's side. The plate which held the still sizzling T-bone steak and enormous baked potato that oozed butter and cream on Russell's side barely held the massive amount of food. Meanwhile, Kirk's plate held a much smaller version of the steak and potato, but otherwise mirrored the larger man's meal perfectly. One thing he had to admit was Russell knew what a good meal was.

The door swished open just as Kirk started to adjust the placement of his silverware. There in the door way stood Russell, dumbfounded by the presentation before him. Kirk smiled at the security officer and greeted him warmly. "Ah, Russell! Glad to see you here! For a moment I was a little worried you'd turn my offer down! Don't know what I'd do with two giant T-bone steaks and baked potatoes if you had! Spock's a vegetarian, you know? "

Russell nodded and stared at Kirk, then at the food, and then back at Kirk. He couldn't really decide which he wanted more at the moment, but given the fact that the food was fresh, he decided to go for the food. It showed that Kirk had gone through a lot of trouble to prepare the food and the table instead of having a replicator make it, so he didn't want it to go to waste. After they were done though, all bets were off.

The two sat down at their respective sides and began eating. It surprised Kirk that he had the epitome of proper eating etiquette. He had expected Russell to gobble the food down much like a dog, but instead he was almost dainty with his movements. He carefully cut into the meat and savored each bite. He didn't touch his beer; he paid full attention to his food. Kirk found himself completely engrossed in Russell's eating of the food.

Kirk's plate was still full and untouched by the time Russell finished his food. Russell then grabbed his stein and began chugging his beer. It was the completely haphazard way he let the beer slide down the sides of his face that tipped Kirk off to his real agenda. Russell had wanted to enjoy every last bit of his favorite meal, but when it came to the alcohol, he wanted in his system as soon as possible, most likely to give him courage. He gulped as the man gave him a lustful look from across the table after slamming the now empty stein down. He had to redirect Russell, and _fast._

"So!" he asked, acting as if he was none the wiser of Russell's true intentions. "Did you enjoy the meal?"

"Yeah," Russell growled, wiping the beer off of his face. "And I'm ready for dessert…"

Kirk's eyes were millimeters away from popping out of his skull and falling onto his plate. He took the glass of wine and drank heavily from it. Putting the nearly empty glass back on the table, he cheerfully said, "Glad you liked the meal! You know, it was Jake that suggested it to me. Said it was your favorite!"

Russell's lustful look was replaced with that of confusion. "Jake?" he asked. "You asked Jake about my favorite meal?"

"Well yeah!" Kirk said, glad the conversation was going well. "Actually, I asked all three of your friends, but Jake volunteered the information." He clasped his hands and leaned forward. "You know, Jake thinks rather fondly of you. Have you ever thought about him in any other way than just a friend?"

Russell opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. His mind was working to fast for him to say anything that could come out coherently. Was Kirk implying that Jake had a thing for him? When did that happen? He thought back on their friendship and tried to see how Jake could have shown any signs of liking him. The more he thought of it the more he realized he had been completely oblivious to the fact that Jake liked him. He had shown signs of having a crush on him as early as their high school years together, but he never gave it a second thought. And once Kirk showed up, that was all he thought about.

Kirk watched in amusement as the gears in Russell began to work. Wiping his mouth on his napkin, he said, "Alright, time for the special surprise." Russell looked up at him blankly, his thoughts still on Jake. No, if Jake really had something for him, he couldn't do anything with Kirk. It wouldn't be right! He found himself now very worried about this "special surprise" as Kirk took his hand and pulled him up from the seat. His hand disappeared behind him and reappeared with a blindfold in his grasp.

"Here, put this on. I'd do it myself, but I don't feel like climbing Mount Everest just to do it." Russell began to protest, but Kirk insisted. "Put. It. On! You're gonna ruin the surprise if you don't! Just do it!" Sighing, Russell obediently tied the blindfold around his eyes. He felt his hand grasped by the captain and felt his face become very warm in response. The hand pulled him forward, leading him somewhere. He heard the room door swish open in front of him and back closed behind him. They wandered down the hallway and entered the elevator. Though he couldn't see it, people were giving both him and Kirk strange looks. He did however hear them whispering and felt his face burn even hotter. Whatever they were going to do and wherever he was being taken better be spectacular to make up for this humiliation.

The elevator door opened and once again he felt Kirk pull his hand and lead him. They walked for what seemed like an eternity until they finally stopped. Kirk palmed open a door and slowly pushed Russell through it. From behind him, Russell heard Kirk say, "Okay, wait until the door closes and then take off the blindfold. You'll be able to enjoy your surprise in private!"

Russell raised an eyebrow and said, "Enjoy it in private? But what about…" The door closed behind him before he could finish his sentence. Sighing heavily, he reached up for his blindfold and untied it. When his eyes re-focused on the environment around him, he couldn't believe his eyes.

The room was dark, save for many small candles that were lit and placed all throughout the room. On the floor and on the bed were many red rose petals which filled the air with the sweet smell of roses…and sugar? Lying on the bed was a very naked Jake, sprawled out with only white frosting and chocolate sprinkles covering his body. If Russell's mouth opened any further, he threatened to have his jaw bone disconnect from his head and drop onto the floor. With an uncertain voice, he said, "Jake?!?"

"Russell?" he said, his voice conveying his many conflicting emotions. "Oh God, I'm so sorry! This was totally Captain Kirk's idea! I didn't know he had such a twisted mind…I've been stuck like this for almost an hour! The icing's melting and I think some of it got onto the bed! I dunno _how_ I'm gonna wash it out! Look, I know this looks really weird, but I swear, if he hadn't threatened me with the pictures he took, I'd have just run in the shower and cleaned up before he brought you here!"

Russell couldn't help but smirk at the situation. It seemed that he and Kirk thought alike, a thought that would have caused him to reach for an ice pick and stab at his own brain if it weren't for the fact that the sight in front of him was far too enticing to ignore. Now that he saw Jake covered in icing, looking completely and utterly helpless, he realized just how sexy his body was. Though Jake was smaller than him, he had a very fit body. Upon closer inspection, his body was comparable to ancient Greek statues. He approached Jake's icing covered body and put a hand behind his back.

"Aw, thanks man, now I can go and WHOA HEY! What the hell are you doing?!? Why are you _licking _it off of me? Dude, stop it! No, stop! Ah, cut it out! Seriously man…ah…I…I mean it…puh-please sto-oh…"

* * *

"You directed him to Lieutenant Lozano's quarters, where he was covered in vanilla icing and chocolate sprinkles?"

Kirk laughed over his meal as Spock stared at him incredulously. He had quickly prepared a salad for the Vulcan and invited him over to his quarters to finish the meal. He was happy that he had gotten special candles made of a non-melting wax; the three candles still burned brightly and hadn't dripped any uninviting wax on to the table before him. He sipped his wine through his laughter to try and calm himself down.

"Jim, what on _Earth _possessed you to force Lieutenant Lozano to be presented in such a manner to a man he considered his best friend? What if Lieutenant Northrop is repulsed by his state and leaves him like that?"

Still chuckling, Kirk wiped away a tear from his eye and said, "Oh trust me Spock, I could tell the moment I mentioned Jake's name that there was more than friendship between them. All they needed was a little push in the right direction, and I was just the man to do it!"

Spock shook his head at the young captain, but couldn't resist smiling. They turned their focus to finishing their meal before speaking any further on the matter. When they had cleaned their plates, Kirk leaned forward and smirked triumphantly. "So," Kirk began, "I kept my end of the bargain. Are you going to keep _yours?_"

Wiping his mouth daintily on his napkin, Spock said, "Yes, I will indeed keep my end of the bargain. If you will bring your attention to the contents of your refrigerator…"

Kirk gave Spock a weird look, but complied. He rose from his chair and made his way to the mini-fridge he had installed not long ago. Pulling the door open, he found a jar of fresh cherries and two cans of whipped cream. He gave out a laugh and turned to face Spock, standing up straight. The Vulcan had rose from his chair as well and walked over to where he stood. Smirking, Kirk asked, "Cherries and whipped cream? Spock, I didn't take you for the type to like sweets."

"If that were the case…" Spock said before kissing Kirk deeply. His tongue swirled hungrily in the man's mouth before abruptly pulling away. "…I would never partake of your sweet lips."

The dreamy look on Kirk's face vanished as he laughed. "Oh my God Spock, where did you get such a corny line?"

Spock smirked at his blue-eyed love and said, "As I recall, there have been approximately fifty-one individual incidents in which you have uttered such 'corny lines' during particularly intimate moments since the day we started our relationship."

Laughing again, Kirk said, "Man, how did I nab a guy like you with lines like that?"

"Get the whipped cream and cherries out of the refrigerator and I will show you," Spock said before capturing Kirk's lips again.

333

The next day, Russell left his post whistling happily. Suddenly his entire life seemed much happier. He left Jake's room extra early that morning and practically skipped his way to his post. Azrael had looked at him like he was a madman when he showed up for his shift, and Ben looked like he stepped into the Twilight Zone when he came to relieve him. Yes, the lieutenant was in a much happier mood after last night, and it showed on his face.

Mesmire happened to see him as he went down the hall and smirked wickedly. "So," she said, her voice dripping with venomous mockery. "I take it Captain Kirk gave you a night to remember last night?"

Russell grabbed the Orion medical officer and kissed her fully on the lips, much to her disgust. "Baby, you have _no_ idea," he said, continuing on his way. Mesmire looked at Russell like he had lost his mind and furiously wiped her lips clean. She may have liked having intimate relations with men, but with Russell, she made a _firm_ exception.

As Russell continued on his way, he came across Captain Kirk, who also seemed to be on Cloud Nine. He smiled and said, "Hey there Captain! Thanks again for dessert last night!"

Kirk stopped and smiled at the larger man. "Shouldn't you be careful what you say in public?" he asked. "I'm sure people are just _dying_ to spread more rumors about the two of us."

Russell laughed and clapped Kirk on the back, almost knocking him over. "I'm not worried about other people. I got Jake now, so they can talk about me until they're blue in the face. How'd you enjoy the rest of _your _night?"

Kirk smirked and said, "Let's just say you weren't the only one to enjoy dessert last night."

Laughing knowingly, he winked at Kirk as they went their separate ways. Kirk never would have expected the two of them making amends and becoming friendly this way, but at least now the two of them could enjoy eating cupcakes in peace.

The End

* * *

OMG…this fic was so wrong on SO many levels…but I couldn't help it! XD Enjoy it ya pervies! Eternity premiers this Saturday!!!


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